As you know I fell off the wagon a while back and have been working through some other things. I think a lot of people who are at my stage in life can relate. Everyone expects you to have it all together at 21 and you just don’t which can cause a lot of frustration and depression. I’m dealing with it and the thing I really had to learn was that I’m not alone and the only way to be happy is to stop trying to make other people happy. I still hate school but I’m doing my best to get through it so I can get on with life.
Health wise, things are getting better too. As some of you may have read I went off birth control a while back because I thought it was hindering my progress as far as getting healthy and I didn’t want anything artificial in my body. After almost a year of being off of it I made the decision to go back on, for various reasons, and I cannot tell you how much better I feel. My messed up sleep patterns have improved, I feel more awake and ready to take on the day when I get up, and the insane mood swings I was having seem to be gone. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s okay to take something minor if it makes that big of an improvement in your life and what’s right for one person might not be right for the next. I’ve had the energy to work out every day, just a little something, and eating clean has been great too.
I think it’s safe to say I’m back on track and I couldn’t be happier. I’m ready to have the summer of my life :)
I’ve been neglecting all of my wonderful followers and even gained some new ones in the mean time (welcome)! I have to be honest, I fell off the horse, completely. The winter doldrums have gotten the best of me and I have no motivation to do anything including work out, homework, or even eat. I went on spring break to sunny California and it was wonderful but now that I’m back home in the sub-zero temps I wish I still lived there! While I was away I celebrated (not sure that’s the right word) my one year anniversary of my diagnosis and it wasn’t as big of a sense of accomplishment as I thought it would be but whatever.
I’m battling with my seasonal defective disorder like never before because of this never ending winter and it’s winning. That’s the main reason I haven’t been around much. I’m in a funk and I don’t want to bring any of my awesome followers down with me so I’ve just been avoiding writing. I’m going to do my best to get back on top of this blog but I can’t make any promises right now. I appreciate every one of you and I’m trying!
I will celebrate my one year “anniversary” of my diagnosis and I’m just thinking back a little. When I first got the news I was so excited to finally, after 5 years, have an answer to my health issues. Then I went through the typical “fuck my life, I hate everything, I just want good food, give me a damn piece of bread, I can’t eat anything or go anywhere” phase. After about 6 months it leveled out (I still have my days though, like the other night at the party when all there was to drink/eat was beer and cupcakes). But really, I might be crazy here, I don’t hate gluten free food. I like most of the available substitutes and I rarely crave “normal” food. Yeah I just said that… I like gluten free substitutes. Bread, pasta, pizza, even frozen meals. It took trial and error to find the right ones of course but now, I’m content and I’m healthy, and that’s a great place to be :)
Sorry for being so MIA lately. I’m going through some stuff relationship wise and I found out that some of my exes have managed to view my blog despite my blocking them so that kind of freaked me out and I stopped posting. I’d super appreciate your support as I work through this. Thank you :)
thank you to all who sent me encouraging messages :) I really appreciate it. it’s amazing how much better a day can go when you’re running on enough sleep and actually doing something with your day :)
I used to love skiing, and I was pretty good at it too. I’ve even skied in Colorado before. So I jumped at the chance to ski today while here in Arizona. On the first hill I realized my skills really weren’t what they were the last time I skied years ago. Then, after two runs that were slightly above my level and therefore two panic attacks, I was lied to and told that we would be getting off the lift at the easier spot rather than the summit. A half hour lift ride later I was at the summit. I had a full out panic attack for about 20 minutes when I saw the 85 degree angle of the hill. Everyone just left me there. I was bawling/sobbing and couldn’t breath from a combination of altitude, asthma, and panic. I finally pulled it together and started to sidestep my way down that part of the hill. As I did a little boy stopped on his way down and told me I could do it. I didn’t believe him but he made me stop crying at least. He too sped on down the hill but I thought if he could I could so I slowly made my way to the bottom. I was shaken like a leaf when I got there and decided that for the sake of my health that would be my last run for the day. I haven’t panicked like that for a couple years and it was awful. Why does the fearlessness of childhood have to leave us?